What else was there to say?
by name-me
Summary: Sara is in need of some support and the whole team are there to provided it. My first published Fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

* * *

She sat in the locker room, slouched forward with her elbows resting on her knees, staring into nothingness. The quiet was strangely comforting but short lived as her colleague entered the room, oblivious to her desperation for some time alone to think.

"Hey Sara." It was Catherine. Upon hearing no reply from the younger CSI she turned from her locker to face Sara and repeat her greeting. On noticing the defeated posture and the pale skin of the girl on the bench, she instead walked towards her and asked if she was ok.

"Oh hey Catherine. Yeah I'm, um, fine" Sara forced a weak smile and stood up, running her hand through her hair. As she did so, another wave of nausea swept over her and she stumbled slightly to one side, only to be steadied by Catherine who hadn't failed to notice the colour drain from Saras' face even further as she came to stand.

"Your not fine. Come on sit down" The women moved back to sit on the bench and Catherines' hand moved to Saras' back. Sara drew in a deep, shaky breath.

"Sorry."

"It's ok, there is no need to apologise. You want me to get you a glass of water?"

"No it's ok." She glanced at Catherines concerned face and forced another smile. "Thanks."

"You know if not feeling well, you should go home. I'm sure we can cope here for the next couple of hours."

"Oh no really Catherine it's ok. I'm not ill. It just…" She hesitated and looked at the ground drawing in another deep breath as the feeling of nausea crept back through her body. Catherine leaded in closer and moved her hand up to Saras' shoulder, encouraging the girl to continue to talk.

"I think I might be pregnant." It was almost a whisper. Silence followed as neither woman said anything. This was the last thing Catherine had expected. A tear began to roll down Saras cheek.

"How long?"

"I'm not sure." Sara shrugged. "I'm nearly two weeks late." Sara finally met the older woman's gaze, hoping for some kind of comfort or reassurance.

"And is it Hanks?" Sara nodded and looked back at the floor. She could no longer hold back the tears.

"What am I going to do? He wont want anything to do with it I know he wont!" She was sobbing now. "I mean he was cheating on me. No worse than that, he was using me to cheat on someone else!"

"Shhh Sara, it's going to be ok." Pulling Sara towards her she kissed the top of her head and waited for the tears to subside.

"Do you know for sure? I mean have you taken a test?"

"Not yet."

"Ok, well lets get that sorted shall we?" Sara nodded in response. "I'll tell Grissom your not feeling well and that I'm going to take you home."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know. But I can't let you drive in this state and you certainly can't stay here. I don't have to stay with you, just let me drive you to the store. You look like you could use someone right now." Sara knew she was right. She just hated feeling so vulnerable in front of her colleagues. She knew they were more than collegues, they were her friends, even if they didn't always see eye to eye. If anything though, that only seem to make it harder. Before Sara had a chance to protest, Catherine drew her to her feet, handing her the car keys and telling her to wait outside while she found Grissom. Sara nodded, gathered her things from her locker and headed outside, all the time hoping that nobody would see her tear stained face.

* * *

The test confirmed it. She couldn't fight the nausea anymore and Sara fell to her knees and threw up in the toilet. She felt Catherines hand on her back, the other pulling her hair away from her face. When she had finished, she slowly drew herself up to took a deep breath. Catherine didn't know what to say. She had never seen Sara like this. So upset and so insecure. It was Sara that spoke first.

"So that's it then."

"Yeah." What else was there to say? Sara brushed pass Catherines shoulder and headed to her kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Um, no I'm ok thank you." Sara busied herself with filling a glass form the bottle in the fridge, slowing screwing the lid back on the bottle and closing the fridge door. Catherine watched her, a look of puzzlement and concern on her face. She could tell Sara was holding back, trying to distract herself.

"Sara?" Her tone almost questioning. In response to her name Sara turned and looked up from her glass. She felt herself crumble.

"What am I going to do?" The tears started again and Catherine quickly came to comfort her, taking the glass from her hand and placing it on the kitchen counter. She wrapped her arms around Saras slim figure allowing her to rest her head on her shoulder, the tears now falling readily.

"It's ok Sara, its ok. You don't have to decide now. Just take your time ok." She continued with her words of comfort until the tears had relented and Sara drew away.

"Thank you." What else was there to say?

Catherine spent the next couple of weeks keeping a close eye on Sara. She knew she was still confused: She hadn't told Hank and she certainly hadn't told the rest of the team. Catherine was eager to ensure that Sara didn't take any risks at work and was taking good care of herself, because whatever she decided to do about the baby, she was going to need all the strength she had.

Nobody else seemed to notice anything was different about Sara, or at least they didn't say anything if they did. That is except Greg, who expressed his concern to Catherine over Sara almost fainting in his lab. Catherine had told him not to worry, that Sara was probably just tired, but reassuring him that she would check to see that it was nothing more serious.

She had found Sara in the toilets, her hormones causing her to bring up everything she had eaten since getting out of bed that day.

"Sara?" She bent down next to the shaking form placing a hand on her back.

"I hate this." She managed to get got before gagging again.

"I know." Said Catherine sympathetically, remembering her own bouts of morning sickness. "They don't tell you it doesn't only happen in the morning do they?" This statement had the desired effect, causing Sara to smile and lean back against the wall with a sigh.

"No they don't." she closed her eyes and let her head fall into her hands.

"I don't know if I can handle this for nine months?" she said shaking her head and positioning herself closer to the toilet again. Catherine drew Saras hair away form her face just in time as the nausea got the better of her.

"Finished?" she asked.

"I hope so" Sara leaned back against the wall again and looked up to meet Catherines eyes. She had been so helpful over the past weeks and their friendship had certainly grown. The relationship between the two women had not always been great: Catherine sometimes perceiving Sara as a threat to her position in the team and her relationships with the men she worked with. None of that seem to matter though now.

Sara bit her bottom lip before speaking. "I made a decision."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I can't get rid of this baby Catherine. I just can't. I don't know what I'm going to tell Hank yet, if I tell him, but I know I want to keep this baby." She paused, "I guess he has the right to know." The last line was mumbled as she dropped her head, speaking to herself as much as to Catherine.

"That's great Sara." Catherine smiled and placed a reassuring hand on Saras right shoulder. "And whatever you decide about Hank, you know I will be here to support you. We all will." Sara knew she was referring to the rest of the nightshift.

"I don't want to tell them. Not just yet. I need to decide what I'm going to do about Hank first." Her words were quick and she a pleading look in her eye. She knew that her friends should know about this but she just didn't have the courage to tell them yet.

"That's ok. It's up to you when you tell people about this. Don't feel any pressure."

"I know. I wont."

"And you know if you need me, I'm right here."

"Yeah I know that too. Thanks Catherine." They smiled at each other.

"Now come on. Lets get you off this floor and get some tea into you. That always seemed to do the trick for me!"

* * *

Nick and Sara had been working at the scene for nearly two hours. An elderly couple killed in what seem like a home invasion gone wrong. Nick had though it strange when she had said she was going to get some air. He knew that she had sometimes been upset by cases, they all were, but this didn't seem like the type of situation that would normally affect her. When she had been gone for almost ten minutes he began to worry and headed out the back door to find her.

He found her sitting on the back door step, her body hunched forward and shaking slightly.

"Sara. You ok?" he sat down next to her and placed a hand on her back.

"Not really." This shocked Nick, as Sara rarely admitted that something was wrong.

"I think I need to go to the hospital."

"The hospital?" He was confused. He took in her pale skin, the beads of sweat on her forehead and his concern began to grow. "Sara what's wrong?"

Where to begin?

"Please don't be angry." She continued to stare at the floor, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Angry? Why Would I be angry? If…" She cut him off.

"I'm pregnant. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you its just that it's still so early…" her voice trailed off.

"Hey it's ok." He reassured her, sensing the panic in her voice.

"I think there's something wrong."

"Ok." He paused for a moment. There were so many questions he wanted to ask but now didn't seem like the right time. "Are you in pain, is that why you think that?" She nodded. "Look, I'll go tell Brass and…"

"No Nick, no please. I don't want him to know!" The panic rose in her voice again and a tear spilled from her eye.

"Ok, ok." He tried to calm her by placing his other hand on her shoulder and turning her to face him. "I will just say that… your not feeling well and that I'm going to take you home." She nodded and opened her mouth to speak but as she did so a pain shot through her abdomen, causing her to lurch forward and gasp. "Ok Sara, you alright? Just stay calm ok. I'm just going to find Brass and I will be right back. Is that ok?" With out waiting for a reply her rose to his feet and quickly ran around to the front of the hose to explain the situation to the detective. Arranging for Brass to contact Grissom and organize for someone else to finish processing the scene he returned to Sara. She was sat, taking slow deep breaths, trying to stop the world form spinning around her. Nick didn't think it possible, but even more colour had drained from her cheeks. He knelt in front of her and encouraged her shaking form to stand. Her knees were weak and he had to support her weight to stop her from falling. Nick couldn't help but notice the anxious look on the detectives face as they passed him on the way to the car. It was clearly more than a stomach bug as Nick had professed.

Once in the car Nick kept steeling nervous looks at his companion, worried she would loose consciousness.

"How far along are you Sara?" he asked, worried that she wouldn't be able to answer for herself by the time they arrived at the hospital.

"Nearly eight weeks" came the weak reply.

"And is it…" He had to know.

"Hanks? Yeah."

"Do you want me to call him?"

"He doesn't know." She gasped again as the pain resonated in her body.

"Ok, ok Sara just take it easy" he reach out his hand to touch her forearm. "We're nearly there just hang on for me ok." He fought back the tears and continued to offer words of comfort until they arrived at the hospital and the doctor took her away. But his words were not enough. When the doctor returned, he regretfully informed Nick that although Sara was fine, she had lost the baby. The CSI could not fight anymore and he cried for the suffering of his best friend.

* * *

She had asked Nick to call Catherine who immediately came to offer her support. "I'm so sorry Sara." The words of condolence seeming like such a small token. Sara asked them if they would mind telling the rest of the team what had happened. She would need some time off and it felt it right that they should all know why.

Nick gathered Grissom, Warrick and Greg (on Saras' request) in the break room where Catherine was already waiting, positioned on a chair by the door.

"What's going on?" Asked Warrick, confused as to what Nick could have to say that was so important.

"It's about Sara." Nick paused. Grissoms' head shot up to look at the younger man, a strange sense of panic washing over him.

"At the scene yesterday, she wasn't feeling to well." He paused again, not sure how best to continue.

"Yeah we know. I came out there when you drove her home."

"Well you see that's the thing. I didn't drive her home, I took her to the hospital." Catherine looked up at Nick as he stopped again, wondering if she should intervene.

"Hospital?" It was Greg this time. The concern evident in his voice.

"She had a miscarriage."

"What?"

"I don't understand." Only Grissom remained silent.

"She didn't tell us she was pregnant because she hadn't told the father yet and it was still early so…"

"Hank?" Greg interrupted.

"Yeah. She wasn't sure he would want to be involved. After what happened." Catherine took over as she sensed Nick was struggling to hold back his emotions. He gave her a grateful look and sat down, his gaze on the floor.

Sara hadn't wanted to tell everyone that she and Hank had split up but Nick had sensed there was something wrong and she saw little point in lying to him. He had then told Greg and eventually almost everyone in the lab knew. Initially she thought she should have been angry, but then she hadn't told Nick to keep it a secret and she was sure that people would have found out eventually anyway.

"Is there anything we can do?" Warrick broke to stunned silence that filled the room. Catherine shrugged. "Just let us know that we are her for her I guess."

"Is she still in the hospital?" Greg asked after a moment.

"Yeah. I'm going to take her home after the shift has ended." Said Catherine. As she finished speaking Grissom, who had still not said a word, turned and left the room. Catherine watched him leave and then turned her gaze back to the solemn faces of the younger men.

"I better go see that he's ok." She finally said, turning to follow the supervisor out of the room, leaving Nick to answer the questions she knew would inevitably come from Warrick and Greg when the news had time to sink in fully.

"Grissom!" She called after him. Catching him us just as he entered his office, she closed the door and waited for him to speak.

"She should have said something Catherine. I would have made sure not to put in any situation that might…"

"Grissom," She cut his off, anticipating what he was about to say. "This wasn't you fault. There was nothing any of us could have done." He knew she was right. "Nick is already blaming himself. Thinks he should have acted faster. Got her to the hospital sooner. I can't have you doing the same thing."

"I know Catherine. It's just…" His voice trailed off, unsure of how to end that sentence. He shook his head and looked down at the desk in front of him.

"Look, I better bet back to work. If you need me…" He nodded and waited until she had closed the door behind her before leaning back in his chair and rubbing his letting out a long sigh.

* * *

It was two weeks before Sara returned to work. Catherine and Nick had visited her almost daily. Nick had even slept on her soft for a couple nights when she had first come out of hospital, scared to leave her alone in case anything happened. But nothing did. The painkillers the doctor had given her made her sleep better than she had in years and eventually she began to feel restless. Needing something to take her mind off what had happened. Besides, she was used to putting on a brave face. She had done it all her life. Grissom had offered her more time off but she was insistent.

It wasn't until she had been back at work for little over three weeks that the cracks began to show. She was sent to a scene with Warrick and Grissom. A fire at a house in Henderson had killed an old woman and her daughter and grandson were suffering from minor burns and smoke inhalation. Grissom had been trying to avoid involving Sara in any case that may have upset her, and ordinarily this wouldn't have. Grissom just hadn't accounted for one of the paramedics at the scene being Hank. Sara visibly paled when she saw him. Just stared at his tall, blond figure across the lawn, her expression completely blank. Warrick turned to see what she was so fixated on, his heart stopping the instant he realised. He quietly alerted Grissom and went over to where Sara was standing motionless and alone in the darkness.

"Hey Sara. Why don't we go and look around the back of the house?" He suggested, anything to get her away from the blanket of fear that was sweeping over her.

"I can't talk to him Warrick." She said, not hearing what he had just said.

"I know. Come on…"

"I don't want him to see me like this." She was shaking now. Warrick placed a hand under her elbow and lead her to the back of the house, away form the man she so dreaded.

"Do you want to sit down for a minute?" She shook her head, the question barely registering with her and the reaction coming automatically. Warrick didn't know what else to say so he simply took her in his arms and held her, hoping to take some of the pain away. She didn't cry. She simply stood there, returning his embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

She was regretting insisting that she was fine to continue working on the scene. The constant worrying that she might bump into Hank, along with the flood of emotion that had filled her as she was reminded of the events of the last few weeks, had left her feeling exhausted. She sighed as she entered her empty apartment, placing her bag on the ground and moving over to the phone to check her messages. To her surprise, a large red number one was written on the screen. Thinking nothing much of it she pressed the play button and began to head to the kitchen. She was instantly stopped as a familiar voice rang in the silence. "_Hey Sara it's me Hank. I just wanted to call and see that you were ok. You seemed upset at the house today and well… I know what I did to you is unforgivable but I really do care about you. I guess I just wanted to… I don't know… apologise I guess. I know you probably don't want to talk to me but if you could just let me know that you're ok…"_ The answering machine cut him off with a loud beep. She stared blankly at the machine. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, wasn't aware that a single tear rolled down her cheek. It was only when she began to feel her body shaking that she snapped out of her dazed state. She slowly moved over to the sofa, pulling her knees into her body and closing her eyes, trying to forget.

There was a knock at the door but Sara didn't hear it. It wasn't until the sound came again, louder this time, that she rose to her feet. Not really aware of what she was doing she opened the door to find Grissom stood on the other side.

"Hi Sara. Can I come in?" Silently she stepped aside to let him enter and followed him into the living room. She resumed her position on the sofa, neither person speaking for some time.

"You can sit if you like." She finally said. He moved to sit on the large purple chair next to her.

"I just wanted to check that you were ok after what happened at the scene today?" Why was everyone suddenly so eager to know how she was feeling? The truth was she didn't even know how she felt. When she didn't answer he spoke again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She pulled her knees in closer to her body and put her head in her hands. She shook her head.

"Ok. Well how about I make us some tea?" He stood up and headed to the kitchen. He didn't know what to do. She was obviously hurting and he wanted to help but if she wouldn't open up to him, tell him how she felt, what was he supposed to do?

He returned with two mugs of tea and pushed one towards the still silent Sara. She lifted her head and gave him a weak, grateful smile. She picked up the mug and cradled it in both hands, watching the steam rise. Finally she found her voice.

"I'm sorry Grissom. I just wasn't expecting to see him." He remained quiet, hoping she would continue.

"He left me a message. Said he thought I looked upset earlier. Wanted to check I was ok." A tear ran down her cheek and she turned to look at Grissoms solemn face. "And you know what? I don't think I am." This admission shocked him and he reached out a hand, placing it on her arm. More tears began to fall. He took the mug from her and placed it on the table before taking both her hands in his.

"That's ok Sara. Nobody is expecting you to be ok." She nodded and looked down at their entwined hands.

"I just wish it would all go away." She was sobbing now, her shoulders shaking. He squeezed her hands to let her know that he was there for her, that it was all going to be ok. Grissom had known her for years, but seeing her like this, he felt helpless. He just let her cry, not knowing what to say to make the tears stop, to make the pain go away.

But eventually the tears did relent and Sara lent back on the sofa, letting her knees fall to one side.

"You look exhausted." He said. "Why don't you try and get some sleep?" She nodded, closing her eyes. "Here lay down." He said, placing a cushion under her head and taking the blanket from the back of the sofa and placing it over her. Brushing the hair back from her face he smiled. She looked so peaceful now. "Sleep well." He whispered as he turned to leave.

"Grissom," He turned back to her. "Thank you." He smiled again and headed to the kitchen, leaving her note to tell her to take the night off if she didn't feel up to working. Then with one last glance at his sleeping friend, he left.

* * *

She did go to work and she was feeling remarkably good. All the emotion that she had held inside her was now set free. She stood silently at the door of her supervisors' office, waiting for him to notice her presence. Eventually her looked up from his desk, not entirely surprised to see her there.

"Sara. How are you feeling?"

"Better thank you." She smiled. After a short pause she continued. "I just wanted to say thanks again for yesterday." She took a step into his office. "I really appreciate it." He didn't feel that he had done anything worth appreciating but was glad to know that he had somehow helped her. She certainly seemed brighter, more like her usual self.

"I'm glad I could help."

She smiled. "I, um, better let you get back to your work." He nodded and she turned to leave.

"And Sara," She looked back to him.

"If you need anything…"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

* * *

Sara smiled to herself as she walked into the locker room at the end of the shift. She had got through the night without too many questions being asked or without noticing too many worried glances in her direction. She was beginning to feel that everything really would be ok.

"Hey Warrick." She greeted the man, who was bent over changing his shoes and had clearly not noticed her come in.

"Oh Sara hi. How was your shift?"

"Well we got the guy that got to be good." That wasn't really what he had meant but he wasn't going to ask her directly how she was feeling, not wanting to upset her. "How about you?"

"Well we were working the same case so…" Sara chuckled.

"Hey guys." It was Catherine. "We're going for breakfast. You up for it?"

"Count me in."

Sara hesitated only slightly before answering "Yeah sure."

"Ok well don't be too long. If Nick tells me he his hungry one more time, I may be forced to serve him one of Grissoms experiments just to shut him up."

"You know what I wouldn't put it past her!" laughed Warrick when Catherine had gone.

"I heard that!" Came her voice from corridor outside. The two CSI's gave each other a nervous glace and then began laughing again. It felt good to laugh.

"Come on." Said Warrick, placing a hand on Saras back and leading out.

* * *

Sitting in the diner surrounded by her friends Sara felt happier than she had in a long time. As their laughter filled her ears she leaned back in her seat and sighed.

"You ok?" Catherine turned to her friend, her voice hushed so as not to draw the attention of the others.

"Yeah." She replied smiling. "Yeah I am."

* * *

Hope You liked the story. Please feel free to review it. Want to know what you all think so I can try and improve for next time!


	3. Chapter 3

Ok So I hadn't planned to continue the story but you guys seemed to think I should. I wasn't really sure where to go with it but I hope you like it.

* * *

Had it not been for the event of the following few hours she would have been ok. Sara was beginning to feel almost normal again, the loss of her child pushed to the back of her mind, the memory suppressed along with so many others from her past.

She was rummaging in her bag, looking for the keys to her apartment as she walked along the corridor, so at first did not notice the figure leaning against the wall opposite her door. When she did realise she wasn't alone she jumped and gave an involuntary gasp. It wasn't until she realised who it was standing there that heart skipped a beat and her eyes widened with disbelief. She couldn't believe her had come here.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." She didn't reply. She couldn't reply. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Well, um, I…" She stumbled over her words, not sure what to say to the man.

"Look I know I probably shouldn't have come here but I was worried."

"You have no right to be worried!" She exclaimed as she made her way to the door, her back now facing him.

"I know." He sounded almost apologetic. She entered her apartment and turned to face him. His eyes were sad.

"Please Hank…" She just wanted him to leave.

"I just want to talk." He said gently, taking a step towards her. She was ready to shut the door in his face but something inside of her stopped her. "Please." She took a step backwards and nodded to indicate he could come in. She closed the door behind him then turned to meet his eyes.

"Does she know you're here?" She asked, not even bringing herself to say the name of his girlfriend out loud. He shook his head.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to check that you were ok. You didn't return my call…" She didn't reply so he continued. "I, I was worried that it was me that had upset you yesterday and, well even after everything," He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. Sara had to fight her self not to feel sorry for him. "Well I had just hoped that maybe we could still be friends." Sara shook her head. She couldn't believe it. "I know that's a lot to ask but can we at least be civil to one and other?"

"I was being civil." She defended.

"You ignored me Sara that's not civil."

"I had a job to do."

"That never stopped you before!" He raised his voice but instantly regretted it as she turned her face away from him and looked at the floor. "Sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

"I think maybe you should leave." She said still not looking at him.

"Sara I…"

"Please Hank." She looked up now and he could see the tears starting to form in her eyes. She didn't want to cry. He sighed.

"A friend of mine said that she'd seen you in the emergency room a couple of weeks ago." Her face fell and her cheeks turned pale.

"She said you were in pretty bad way."

"What else did she say?" Her voice was beginning to crack.

"Nothing much." Sara walked over to the breakfast bar and rested her hands on it, feeling slightly dizzy. She didn't want to talk about this again, especially not to him.

"I hope it was nothing serious." He said when she didn't speak.

"No its fine." She lied. "I think you should leave." She said again. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She instantly shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me." She said her voice forceful as she turned to face him.

"Sara…"

"I want you to leave." He didn't move. "Now Hank! Please just go!" Her voice was louder this time and she was close to tears. He didn't say anything more just took a few steps back before nodding at her then turning to leave. She didn't move until she heard the door click shut behind him. Then she fell to her knees, her back against the wall, and began to cry. Crying for the loss of her baby and the loss of a man she thought she could have loved.

* * *

Sara was late to work that night. She had considered calling in sick but then changed her mind as she realised the rest of the team may jump to conclusions that she didn't necessarily want them to reach. She hadn't slept much and couldn't face the thought of food. She had spent most of the day staring at the television, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts, but she couldn't have told you what was on.

Nobody had wanted to be the one to ask where Sara was, to suggest that something might be wrong, but she was never late and they all had their concerns. Grissom had just finished handing out the assignments when she arrived.

"Sorry I'm late. I um, lost track of time." She took the seat nearest the door, avoiding eye contact with her friends.

"That's ok, you're here now. I just finished handing out the assignments. You're with Catherine. DB in Henderson." Sara gave Catherine a weak smile. The older woman looked at her suspiciously but did not express her concern at Saras' appearance. She looked paler and dark circles framed the bottom of the dull eyes. The team began to talk among themselves as they gathered their things to leave. It was not until Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder that she realised they were the only two left in the room.

"You ready to go?" Sara nodded. "I'll meet you outside." She frowned at the younger woman, resisting the temptation to ask her if she was ok.

"Yeah I'll be there in just a minute." Catherine nodded and left the room. Sara sighed, pulled her body out the chair and slowly made her way to the locker room to collect her kit before meeting Catherine who was already waiting in the car.

The drive to the scene had been almost silent, Sara equating her mood to noisy neighbours disrupting her sleep. The two women had worked separately, Sara, much to the surprise of her colleague, opting to work on the perimeter of the house. She needed the fresh air, hoping it would help to clear her head. But it failed to do so and Sara worked much slower than normal. Catherine had not failed to notice this and brought it up on the ride back to the lab.

"I'm just a little tired." Sara gave her usual explanation for any unusual behaviour without really thinking.

"Are you sure Sara? If there is something bothering you…"

"I said I'm fine." Saras tone was harsher than she had meant it to be, but at least it had stopped Catherines questions. The two remained silent for several minutes but Saras mind began to race with thoughts of what had happened that morning. In an attempt to stop her mind from running to thoughts she would rather repress, she finally broke the silence.

"So how's Lindsey?" Her voice was a little distant and the question had come as a surprise to both of them.

"She great, doing well at school and she started a ballet class a few weeks ago which she really seems to be enjoying. I had always hoped she would want to take classes but I didn't want to ask, you know, in case I seemed like one of those pushy mothers…"

This is where Sara stopped listening. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears and the car suddenly seemed very stuffy.

"Can you pull over?" She gulped, her voice very quiet.

"What?"

"Pull over, can you…pull over?" She needed to get out of the car.

"Yeah sure. Sara are you ok?" She glanced side ways at the girl, whose body was visibly shaking in the seat next to her. Sara didn't answer; she hadn't even heard the question. She felt the car stop and unsteadily she opened the door and got out. The warm desert air hit her face and felt her head spinning, her body beginning to feel as if it were floating. Catherine ran around to Sara and took her by the elbows.

"Sara you look like you're about to pass out." Saras knees began to give way and she was lowered to the floor. It was becoming hard to breath, the warm air stifling her lungs. "Sara. Sara! Try and focus on me ok. Just take some deep breaths." Sara nodded. "Good. Now I need you to relax for me. Just keep breathing. That's it. Try and focus on my voice." She wasn't sure what to do. Should she call an ambulance? She was fairly sure Sara was just having a panic attack, but what if it was something more serious? She kept talking to her and within a couple of minutes Saras breathing began to slow and the colour began to return to her cheeks. She handed her a bottle of water from the back seat, which Sara gratefully accepted.

"I'm sorry Catherine. I don't know what came over me. I just had to get out."

"It's ok." She put a hand on her cheek. "It's ok." A tear rolled down Saras cheek, more a tear of embarrassment than anything else. She sniffed to hold back any that may follow. "Come on lets get you up shall we." Catherine helped her to stand, her body shaking slightly with the effort, and she sat back in the car, resting her head back on the seat.

"You want me to take you home?" She shook her head.

"No it's ok. I, um, I feel much better now." Catherine looked concerned. She wanted Sara to open up to her. She had seemed so much better yesterday, what had changed?

"Ok, but will you tell me what happened?"

"I don't know." Came the mumbled response. "I just felt… trapped. Like I needed to escape."

"From what?" Sara shrugged and turned Catherine.

"My thoughts? My thoughts of him?"

"Him?" Then Catherine realised who she meant. "Oh. Warrick said you had seen him the other day."

"He came around to my house. He phoned me, then he came to my house." Catherine was shocked. "He said he wanted to 'talk'. Wanted us to be friends. I can't do that Catherine. I just can't." She tried so hard not to cry, angrily wiping away a tear that spilled onto her cheek.

"I know, I know. And that's ok Sara." She placed a hand on the girls forearm.

"I couldn't tell him."

"No." Came the simple reply. "You don't have to." She nodded.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?"

"Yeah." She leaned back in her seat and nodded again. "Just drive." Catherine put the car into gear and silently pulled off. "Thank you." Catherine just smiled.

* * *

After logging their evidence and giving sample into trace and DNA, Catherine had insisted that Sara take a break. She had made her some coffee and left her in the break room. This is where Greg found her, an hour later, with her head resting on the table, her body rising and falling as she slept. He went over to her, about to place his hand on her shoulder to wake her when a hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Leave her." It was Catherine. "She needs the rest." Greg was puzzled. She had seemed fine when he saw her yesterday.

"Is she ok?" He asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, just a rough start to the shift that's all." Catherine lied, sure that Sara would not want everyone to know what had happened. He nodded, not entirely convinced but not wanting to push the matter further.

"Coffee?"

"Yeah why not?" It was the smell of the freshly ground coffee that finally woke Sara. She sat up and rubbing her eyes, yawning as she did so.

"Hey sleepy head." Catherine placed a hand on her arm. "How you feeling?"

"Ok." Then she noticed Greg was in the room and instantly changed the subject. "You got my results yet Greg?"

"Well of course. One match to your victim and another to an unknown male." Sara groaned.

"Guess I better get back to work then."

Nick gratefully took the DNA results from Greg and smiled. "Looks like we've got her." He turned to leave but stopped when the lab technician called his name.

"Have you spoken to Sara today?"

"Not really. Why is she ok?" Nicks face fell as he became concerned for his friend.

"I'm sure it's nothing." Greg tried to it brush off.

"No, come on Greg what's going on?"

He hesitated slightly before answering. "It's just that I found her asleep in the break room and Catherine said to leave her because she had had a rough shift but I'm not sure that's true. They were acting very oddly." Nick nodded.

"Maybe I should talk to her." He reasoned before thanking Greg and leaving to find Sara.

* * *

He was glad when her founder her alone in the layout room. She was perched on a stool, looking at some photographs of her crime scene. "Hey Sara. How's the case?" He would have to build up to the more personal questions.

"Oh hey." He didn't hear what she had said in answer to his question, busy assessing her physical condition. He could see why Greg was worried. She looked tiered and her hands were shaking. He placed a hand on her wrist to stop her. She didn't speak.

"You're shaking." He said quietly. She didn't answer, just looked at where his hand met her pale skin.

"Is something wrong?" She shook her head. "Talk to me Sara." He took a step closer to her.

"I'm fine Nick. I, I just…" Her voice trailed off. He put his other hand on her shoulder and she leaned into him, her face resting against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and held her silently for a few moments. Eventually, she pulled away and took a deep breath.

"Alright?" Concern still evident in his quiet voice.

"I guess I'm just still a little upset about… everything." The volume of her voice matching his. "I just need some more time." She didn't want him to know about Hank. She hadn't even wanted Catherine to know. He took her hands and ran his thumbs in circles along the back of them, both focusing their gaze on his actions.

"I was worried. Greg said you seemed…"

"Greg." She looked up to him now.

"Yeah. We're all worried about you Sara."

"Well don't be I'm fine." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Ok, well not fine but I'm getting there."

"Well yesterday I thought you were there and then today… What changed?" She shrugged and looked back at their hands. "Just, please talk to me Sara, about anything, any time ok." She nodded and was about to thank him when Catherine came into the room, not noticing Nick until she looked up and spoke.

"I think your going to like… Oh sorry did I interrupt?"

"No." Said Sara, taking her hands away from Nick, who frowned a little before turning to face the other woman.

"I'll, um, leave you guys to it." He said, exiting the room. Sara sat back down and began to pointlessly rearrange the papers on the table in front of her. Catherine sat next to her, looking at her intently, hoping for her to speak. When she didn't, Catherine cleared her throat and began first.

"You want to take a break, get something to eat maybe?"

"What?" She didn't look up.

"I haven't seen you eat all night and…"

"I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"Sara I am worried about you. You scared me earlier." Sara mumbled an apology and closed her eyes. Catherine put her hand on the girls shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Can I just, have a minute?" Sara requested, not wanting to get upset again, but knowing she would if Catherine stayed. The woman rose silently and left Sara to try and compose herself.

* * *

Grissom noticed the anxiety on Catherines face she left the layout room, stopping her in the corridor to ask if she was ok.

"Yeah I'm fine." Should she tell him? He probably needed to know. "It's Sara." He had thought as much and took Catherine to his office to allow them to speak in private. "She is still really upset about everything that has happened."

"Well that's understandable." He interjected, trying to reassure her.

"Yeah I know but… she had a panic attack when we were coming back form the scene today."

"What?" He almost gasped. He hadn't realised things were this bad.

"She completely freaked out and I didn't know why! I don't know what to do Grissom. She is shutting me out again. I thought I had got over that with her but now…"

"It's ok Cath, This isn't your fault."

"I know its not my fault Grissom, I just want to be able to help her!" He could hear how frustrated she was, how much this was beginning to upset her. He sat back on the edge of his desk.

"Maybe I should give her some time off." He thought out loud.

"She wont take it." Came the definite reply and he knew she was right. He sighed and rubbed his temples. They decided the best thing they could do was to let her know that they were all there to support her, make sure she ate and at least tried to sleep. Make sure she didn't burn her self out.

* * *

It didn't go unnoticed by Sara that they were watching her. She bit her tongue so many times, wanting to say something to stop it. She felt like they were smothering her. All she needed some time to clear her head, to hide away the memories of the last few weeks. To forget.

She was sat in the break room, talking to Nick over a cup of coffee when Catherine came in and handed her some chocolate. "Thought you might want this." She said casually, heading to pour her own drink.

Sara sighed. "You don't have to do this."

"Do what?"

"This." She said, gesturing towards the chocolate. "Keep feeding me, watching everything I do." She was addressing both of them now. "It's not that I don't appreciate it because I do, but I just…" She didn't want to offend them.

"Sara. We're all…" Nick began.

"Don't say it!" She cut him off shacking her head. "I know what you going to say and you don't have to. Really. I just want to be back to normal and I can't do that while your all fussing over me like I'm a sick child!" There, she had said it. A moment of stunned silence followed before Catherine spoke.

"Ok Sara. We're sorry. But it's so hard when you wont talk to us. We didn't know what else to do."

"You don't have to do anything. Just being here… that's enough." Catherine smiled and Nick leaned over the table to place a hand on her arm. Just then Grissom and Warrick walked in, engrossed in a set of results from the trace lab. They both stopped and looked up to see the three CSIs all smiling at on and other.

"Did we miss something?" Asked Warrick.

"No." Replied Sara. "I was just saying, how much I appreciate what you have all done for me these last few weeks. I feel so much better just knowing your all here."

"What are friends for hey?" Said Warrick, placing a hand on her shoulder. Grissom and Catherine smiled at one and other, looking at the three younger CSIs. They were more than just friends; they were family and they would always be there for each other.

* * *

Ok so that really is it this time (I think!) Hope you liked it. Please review it to let me know!


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